Growing up I have always been EXTREMELY close with my family. Even when I lived in different cities I would come home on weekends to spend time with my family and friends. For 31 years my family has been my support system, my comfort…… my home. It has now been six months since I have seen my family. Six months since I had a Tim Horton’s coffee. Six months since I paid WAY too much for gas. Six months since I’ve hugged my mom.
When I imagined my sons first year of life I always assumed our families would be a big part of it. We had not a single family member at our sons first birthday. Not because they didn’t want to be there but because they couldn’t….
The U.S, Canada Border closed on March 21, 2020. Since then it has been extended a month at a time for the past 4 Months. That means that for the past 4 months I have held onto hope that they will open on the 21st of the Month. Only to find out that they will continue to stay closed. We had a summer vacation planned to Canada at the end of June. After the closure we extended it till the end of July and then till the end of August. Last week when the U.S and Canadian government announced it would continue to stay closed I felt sick, heartbroken and completely out of hope. My husband and I decided that we would not be “postponing” our vacation any longer. Instead we cancelled it. Mostly because I don’t think I could handle another month of hope and optimism only to be heartbroken at the end of it.
It has been 9 Months since my husband and I have seen three of our nephews. Kids change and grow constantly and it’s especially noticeable when they are young. We have been fortunate to be able to watch these little boys grow through Face Time and pictures. However it has been extremely difficult to sit on the sidelines and not be apart of that growth. Over the weekend we were cleaning out our garage and found a paw patrol car I got for my nephews 2nd Birthday. It instantly brought me to tears because I have no clue when I will ever be able to give it to him. Some days it feels like life is standing still for us while our families are going through medical issues, pregnancies and heart break. Their are days I will wake up feeling completely helpless knowing that I can’t be there for the people who need me most. Days I wake up praying that I will get to see my grandma one more time. Those days are the hardest but they are becoming less and less. On the hard days I remind myself that I have a happy, healthy baby boy and a husband who has been my rock through all of this.
I would give anything to hug my nephews. Taste some of my moms banana bread. Take my grandma shopping. Help my sister decorate her nursery. I miss my family so much that it hurts but I value the memories I do have with them and dream about the days when I will get to see them again.
Life is hard on all of us right now. I remind myself every day that I am fortunate to be in the situation I am when so many others are going through a lot more. This pandemic has taken away so much from so many people. I have had many people tell me that I should be grateful that all I have lost is time when so many have lost their lives. I understand all of that but to me time is everything. With travel be limited and borders all around the world being closed I am sure their are a lot of people who can relate to missing someone whose still with us. I strongly believe that as a whole we will come together, find strength in one another and come out stronger in the end.
*On a side note.. Did anyone get the Nickelback reference in the title?- I miss them too;)
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